A Different Kind of Brave | Three Years of Being Pinay Travelista

I waited. I’ve been waiting for the longest than I could remember. I took out my laptop at the  terminal with lazy-paced travelers around the departure area, and tried to get some work done. A distraction of some sort. As the hours went by the crowd thickened, and the passengers with probably the same flight as mine took most of the empty seats around me. I was having butterflies in my stomach, and I tried to drown them with coffee from a paper cup with bite marks on the rim.  It seemed to have aggravated it more.

———————————–
Dear Reader,

Before anything else, this is a self-indulgent post like most of the ones from this category, and yes, you’re welcome to read about more about them if you like. I’d say humans always had interesting ways of expressing their desires, and their means to get them. What we are best at is getting obsessed, blindly consumed with the passion at one point, and die trying to succeed – cuts, bruises, bleeding, and all. But before that, there is this nearly infinite questionings of what-if’s, and unforgivably hunted by the possibly future what-could’ve-beens. These – strangely even before we even get started at anything. Preemptive beings we are.

———————————–

I looked over the open space runway, and it send chills down my spine, and I could taste the sweet nectar of adventure down my throat.  And tires screeched as  the aircraft kissed the clear landing, and it slowly taxied until it was facing the wide window glass pane I was looking through.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of it, even if I wanted to.
Yes, some of the most ordinary, and familiar still excites me.
———————————–

We’ve gotten used to having to control life. Or rather do our best to have some degree of control on some facets of it. We fail most of the time, every one does. Some find solutions, devise formulas, work on skills in between failing, getting hurt, learning from it, and growing up.

———————————–

I placed a hand on my pounding chest as if to calm it.
Who was I kidding?
Quickly, I searched to mentally note how far I was from the rest room
should my insides decide to burst out.
What was I doing?

———————————–

And when we make life work for us, sometimes it can become a little too selfish of us for others, a little too much for just one, and a little too blessed that a few would find fault. Then you’d think that everything beautiful becomes boxed up in something so ordinary, but it’s not. It shouldn’t be. Do not let it. Do not allow it.

Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Days. Weeks. Months. Years. Life. How long must you wait to take a hold of yours?

———————————–

I stepped down the craft and walked towards the  departure gate with the light coming in from the outside partially shadowed from shuffling humans. I looked down, as if to find some balance if not having the generic white tiled floor to swallow me whole.
The flight had not helped calm the jitters.

———————————–

When the weeks started to wear off into days to renewing www.PinayTravelista.com, I realized that I’ve become a different kind of brave. Bravery has evolved from cliff jumping, taking solo trips, extending travels to becoming less difficult on myself, and on my dreams. Adventures are not solely defined in travels, outdoors activities, and the likes anymore. Pursuing life-long dreams, and goals no matter how doubtful I become, undeserving I feel, and how scared I get is something I am constantly, and now aggressively is working on. Because some dreams even the small ones are adventures worth going after.

Because if it is what you want, where you are led to — surely, it is where you will be most effective.

———————————–

“This is it!” I murmured under my breath.